Reports say that the floods in Sheffield may have caused up to one hundred million pounds worth of improvements.

But one group of charmless nerks are actually celebrating the destruction and human misery - television 'news' reporters. Basically, there was a bit of rain, some houses got flooded and a couple of people died who might have died anyway. But they hype it up to biblical proportions.

On a day when a senior Tory defected to Labour, Tony Blair met Arnie and Tiger Tim scored his annual 3 sets to 2 first round victory at Wimbledon, ITV news devoted 78% of their program on some puddles.

They were out in their boats and helicopters (let's not worry too much about global warming for now eh?) asking victims gormless questions like 'how did you feel when you first saw it?'. Whilst if you looked carefully into the eyes of these 'victims' you can see them totting up how much they're going to sting the insurance for.

One reporter seemed to be trying to beat the record for the most innapropriate uses of 'literally' in a single paragraph. Whilst another played a weird game of 'put-massive-stress-on-every-third-word' as shear, destruction and force became onomatopoeic.

But the highlight for them is the event that has yet to happen - the bursting of the dam. They even had an animation that showed what will happen when the dam breaks. Now Xylophone has often put his arse on the line in his blogs and as yet he has always been right (except when I thought that England might win the World Cup - what was I on?) and here's another prediction: the dam is nowhere near breaking; some forward thinking public officials have decided to take some precautions but the chances are still 100/1 against.

Unless one of the knobheads crashes his helicopter into itof course.